A letter to you, yes you.

And isn't this true in general of the pain that comes from personal relationships that don't work out: the agony of being rejected, the fear of accidents that might bereave us, the nightmare of seeing ourselves betrayed by those we had loved and trusted, and who now turn away and hurt us? What can be called a bad thing if it's not that sort of experience?

 I don't thinking am writing to you in the first place, don't take me wrong, but more than anything else I need a friend like you whom i could confide everything in - not necessary the good side of my life lived but also everything where i don't feel the need to censor myself, in a space which make me luminous with your success and that doesn't necessarily come upon with me being your wife or what so ever. Sometimes, some moments even strangers give you bizarre signals of relentless love which are or can be potentially unrequited.

you know, my nani died of a broken heart she was dependent on my nanu, she was living because he lived and they lived without desiring anyone else, all they needed was themselves to live by and bear this life. like all humans, they had acquired the will to live but not to end it so she decayed and decayed until the final day arrived when she wasn't there anymore. I never realised the shock of it, until i grew up and had no one to confide my sadness in, my parents concern was directly invested in my well being, i really couldn't afford to bear myself to them

Immediately after one graduates, one feels the blunt of not having one's close ones close by, something similar i went by realised life is fragile and you need to love someone to caress this fragility otherwise, it breaks you from inside.

we all aspire to do fancy things with someone we love, care and are concerned about - this is my way. I hope i continue feeling this nurtured emotion from times to come.

I'll select pleasant ones over dire ones; when it is open to me, I'll select being with interesting people who help me get along better over those of the boring, self-centered or deceitful kind; if I can choose, I'll select peace and stability over a life of strife and uncertainty — who wouldn't? But we're often not in a position to choose with respect to such external circumstances (external in the sense that they're outside our own control). Whatever depends on them is subject to risk and uncertainty.

Whosoever, fed that idea in my head of free will and determinism they all seem true at different points. which one to side by, is a paradox of choice, or tranny of choice, really ?

Your life is not a movie that can end with the images of the climactic moment — there is always a period after it, and though that may be fine if all this only was a project among others (you might enjoy being the CEO even more than you enjoyed becoming it, or use your status as the champion to work on training the young or become an ambassador for the environment), it's bad for you if it was the sole, defining purpose of your life, for this would mean that now you have a meaningless life on your hands.
years of life going by has made me prone to the slavish adherence the seeming thin balance, the truth is that we all figure somewhere in the middle and to decipher something from there can be a disastrous affair.

But i know one thing, that I want to do and be in my life - an exceptionally skilled conversationalist. After tea, I want to be able to walk around with holing a restful thought in my head.  Narrative pause,"Throughout our conversation, she occasionally touches my forearm. She speaks deliberately, pausing often. She laughs easily and heartily, a sign more of her warmth than of my wit. She has at her disposal what the best conversationalists have: a wealth of experience to draw from." If you hear this ever, its something I would like to be known by, do spare a thought. To be - Unfettered, to be capacitated to enjoy and relish the quirks and quiddities of life, gone past.